The one area that must be prioritized above all others is our responsibility as parents to help our children navigate all of this stress in the best possible way.  This HBR post offers some very practical advice:

“Ever had one of those tension nightmares where you’re getting chased by bad guys and desperate to run away, but somehow your legs won’t work? It’s like running in slow motion, through a thick syrup. As the villains get closer, your tension soars. You know you need to move, but just can’t find the momentum.”

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“Do you ever come home irritable because you had a rough day at the office? Do you take out your frustrations from work on your family? If so, you’re not alone.  It’s an issue I address in my therapy office often. I hear from parents who are disappointed in themselves for yelling at their children. I also hear from spouses who are tired of walking on eggshells in an effort to avoid becoming the undeserving target of an entire days’ worth of frustration and anger.”

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There are at least three critical steps that you must take if you want to restore the relationship and move forward in your own life.

1.  Own Your Part—In every disagreement there are always two sides to the story.  I have never known a situation where there was not some responsibility for the problem with both parties.  If we think the other party is the major offender then we tend to wait for them to make the first move.  Instead we need to take whatever percentage of the problem is ours even if it’s minor and do what we need to do to admit it and ask for forgiveness regardless of what the other person does.
2. Talk To Person Privately—Most of the time when we are having problems with another person we tend to go to other people first and complain or try to find emotional support.  What we should do is go privately to the person who offended us first and tell them in a respectful way why we are offended and give them a chance to respond.  When we are talking about someone else to another person rather than talking to them the situation will only get worse.
3. Give Them Benefit Of Doubt—When we sense that a conversation is not going well and we can tell it may hurt us we have a decision to make.  We can either assume the worst about the other person’s motives or we can believe the best.  Many times if we can give them the benefit of the doubt at this critical moment then even though it may still hurt there will be no lasting damage because we give them a pass because we trust their heart.

The reason many times we can so easily see problems in other people is those same things live within us.

Somehow we have developed this concept that true happiness and success comes when all of these areas and roles are in perfect balance.  It is as if they all are to have equal percentages of our time, energy and passion.

Realistically we all know that is an impossible goal to accomplish. Our career alone demands a ever growing disproportionate amount of our time and if you have a newborn child in your house all bets are off including time to sleep.

To me an integrated life means that all of these areas as well as our different roles will constantly be changing in the amount of resources they demand.  The critical factor is not to let anything that is important in your life be totally neglected to the point that you are now failing in that area because all of the other things have drained you to the point you have nothing left to give.

When you reach that point and we all do from time to time we must reprioritize our lives so that everything important gets its slot on our calendars.  This will mean that something else will have to get less or be eliminated all together.

Believe it or not sometimes we need to not go to the new latest and greatest parenting conference and just stay at home and play with our children.  Life can be crazy and its demands will change with each new day.

When you have the character and courage to assume the responsibility of leading your total life you will make sure that nothing major falls through the cracks.  Enjoy your day!!

Many times we put a tremendous amount of emotional energy and effort into something only to realize that nothing has changed.  We are worn out with all the work and feel very empty because we are not getting any positive results.

The core problem most of the time when this happens in my life is when I confuse goals and desires.  A desire is something I want to happen but in the end have no control over the outcome.  On the other hand a goal is something I want or need and do have direct control over the outcome.

For example you could have a relationship that you care about deeply but no matter how hard you try the other person seems to be unresponsive.  Even though my motives may be right when my methods center around trying to change the other person I have taken a desire and turned it into a goal.

In relationships the only goal that I should ever have is to change myself.  In doing that it may indeed have a positive impact on the other person but that must remain a desire and never become a goal.

We hit the wall when we are working on things over which we have no control and that drains us.  Even worse it keeps us from doing the very things we can control and that discourages us.

This principle applies both to our personal and professional lives.  None of us has the responsibility to solve the global recession but we do have control over our own character.

The old axiom of do what you can with what you have right where you are is a great place to start.

Mobile Travel Guide declares themselves as the gold standard of travel ratings and reviews.  They rate hotels and restaurants on a system of one to five stars based on their performance.  When you see their sign and there are at least three to the coveted five stars rating you know that the experience will be a good one.

Every day when we all go out into the public world of work and our daily to do list we interact with lots of other people.  Most of the time, we really try very hard to be courteous and polite to others especially if they are customers, suppliers, co workers or friends.  We give, give, and give to other people all day until we are emotionally spent by the time we head home.

When I evaluate my customer service rating at home I have to admit many times I would not receive even one star much less three to five. I treat the people I care about the most with the least amount of patience and kindness.

If the Mobile staff were to interview the people who are the closest to you how many stars would you receive?  I am going to do whatever it takes to consistently improve my score.  How about you?

However, the reality is they are going to fail in every one of these areas and many more on their journey towards becoming successful adults.  When they do fail, we as parents must care enough to take the time to correct them for the mistakes and then encourage them to restore their confidence.  They will need to learn to deal with the consequences of bad decisions and on the other hand not break their spirit so they give up on life.

Many times this process fails because we as parents have placed our own personal expectations on top of the ones we already have for our children.  We are vicariously living our lives through them instead of for them.

If we are honest with ourselves we would admit that when we overreact because they fail it is partially because we have failed as well.  Our own emotional needs to be successful parents have been added to the relationship to the point that our expectations for them are now totally unrealistic.

Constantly check your motives and make sure this is primarily about what is best for them and not about me.  Growing up today is hard enough without them having to take on the extra burden of making us feel good about ourselves.  That is our responsibility.

“Putting time and effort into choosing just the right present for someone is a great way of demonstrating how much they mean to you. However, Christmas, anniversaries, and birthdays come only once a year, and you don’t have to wait 12 months to give them something meaningful.  Here are seven gifts to give your spouse, your children, and others close to you every single day. ”

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“No matter how nice you are, no matter how nice the people around you are, there will be times when you need to have a difficult conversation. Occasional tough talks are just a part of life.  Maybe you have to talk with your spouse about a concern you have over something in your marriage.”

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“How do you let your teenagers go but at the same time keep them safe? After all, it’s tough being their age these days. Teens are growing up in a world that worships freedom to do what you want, rejects responsibility, and provides many ways for them to do both.”

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