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How To Have Difficult Conversations When You Hate Conflict

Published by Dan Greer on May 24, 2017May 24, 2017

This issue is one of the hardest things I have to deal with in working with leaders who are wired to avoid conflict. My only effective coaching strategy is to show them through their own experience that the longer they wait the higher the price. So if you hate all the drama, deal with it early and the outcome will be well worth the risk. Excellent post by Joel Garfinkle:

“Avoiding or delaying a difficult conversation can hurt your relationships and create other negative outcomes. It may not feel natural at first, especially if you dread discord, but you can learn to dive into these tough talks by reframing your thoughts.

Begin from a place of curiosity and respect, and stop worrying about being liked. Conflict avoiders are often worried about their likability. While it’s natural to want to be liked, that’s not always the most important thing. Lean into the conversation with an open attitude and a genuine desire to learn. Start from a place of curiosity and respect — for both yourself and the other person. Genuine respect and vulnerability typically produce more of the same: mutual respect and shared vulnerability.”

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“Dan led a workshop on “Reaching Your Potential” at our annual Utility Supply Management Alliance conference. Dan led the group through a very specific process on establishing specific goals, (personal, family and professional) and on how to develop a plan of execution and evaluation.

Dan used a process that he himself has been using for years in his own life. Not one single person left the room during the 1-1/2 hour session.

He was one of only two speakers that received a perfect evaluation. Dan is an incredibly effective and gifted teacher and presenter covering material that is right on target for today’s business leaders and the workforce of the future.”

I had the distinct pleasure of working with Dan for about 2 yrs during his time with Anthem/Amerigroup as a consultant providing executive coaching and professional development support for myself and our leadership team. Dan is an absolute professional and an expert in this field and his engagement with our team helped us transform, particularly in the areas of conflict management/resolution, communication, delegation, trust, and leadership. Dan is candid and sincere and doesn’t shy away from providing direct feedback and a plan that helps you make leaps in your professional development. I found his guidance, tools, and coaching to be a significant factor in my personal and professional development supporting my recent career progression. Above all of his professional skills and years of experience, you can feel and see Dan’s passion for his work and this translates to meaningful and lasting engagement and impact.

“One of our company’s core values was ’employee development.’ For the past three years Dan has played a significant role in helping us achieve that goal while increasing the leadership capital within our company.

Dan has displayed a profound ability to absorb the specific challenges of each of our department leaders and develop specific coaching strategies to assist in their growth. Along with his Executive Coaching, Dan has developed training strategies and delivered a world class speech at one of our leadership meetings.

As a Christian business leader , I have a deep desire not only to provide for our employee’s physical needs but also offer a means for them to develop as a whole person. With Dan’s background and business acumen he supported both their personal and professional development. Everyone that Dan has worked with has expressed tremendous appreciation to our company for providing him to assist in their growth.

If you are interested in nurturing a culture of personal development and improvement I highly recommend Dan to lead that effort.”

“We had Dan speak at our global gathering of over 100 of our key leaders. We are in the midst of a major restructuring of the company and are dealing with a number of significant challenges to create a new direction for the company.

A key area of focus was in Leadership Development for our executive team. Dan provided a very thoughtful and compelling presentation of the key elements of leadership specifically related to developing an aligned organizational culture.

It was informative, inspiring and challenging for our team and has helped prepare them for the many changes that we are working through. Our team’s response to Dan’s speech was refreshing as they immediately began to apply the principles of what really constitutes great leadership.”

“As a business owner, I have found Dan Greer to be an invaluable asset! No one can cut through the noise, clutter, and chaos better than Dan.

He brings clarity to life through personal and professional coaching, understanding the dynamics at play in a unique and gifted way.

I have found that at times when I am in the “tree’s” Dan can help bring the “forest” into perspective by using various tools, like a mission statement, goal-setting and other clarifiers that bring light and direction to my personal and professional path. I highly recommend him!”

“It is a joy for me to recommend to you, Dan Greer, for consideration when contemplating any leadership development work.

His credentials speak for themselves. From the business perspective, he has a broad base of experience that establishes a foundation for the practical operation of the organization.

Dan’s ability to see the “big picture” and reduce it strategically to practical steps of implementation suggests a unique gift not often seen in our environment.”

“I have known Dan for several years and we worked together recently on a $12 million relocation project. Dan displayed excellent team leadership and organizational skills by keeping everyone focused on both schedule and budget.

In addition to managing a large team consisting of architects, contractors, and engineers, he involved the necessary staff for their input and approval of all aspects of the design. We found Dan to be demanding but fair and reasonable with the right mixture of toughness and understanding.

It is safe to say that the project would not have been successful without Dan’s involvement. His people skills and common sense will make him an asset to whatever endeavor he pursues in the future.”

“It has been my unique privilege to work closely with many exceptional leaders during my years in service. I consider Dan Greer to be one of those distinguished leaders.

He is a man gifted with remarkable skill, wisdom, and character. He is a good friend and a valued counselor for this next generation of leaders.”

“In the never-ending quest to achieve balance in the physical, emotional, and spiritual facets of life, I have discovered the value of a trusted advisor who can see beyond my biases and will challenge me constructively.

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Whether the circumstances are controlled or disruptive, Dan is a constant resource for good.”

“Dan Greer is a living example of what it means to be man of integrity. His character and his high ethical standards show through in all he does.

I’ve had the pleasure of working in a business capacity with Dan for over 8 years and have seen time and time again his honesty and his values come through in his leadership and his decisions.

Dan always does the right thing for the right reasons the right way. Dan’s workplace values always matched his personal values and he always walked the talk. I came away from every discussion with Dan with a new learning or a renewed strength.”

“The process of identifying my Core Values and developing a Personal Mission Statement for myself and my family has had immeasurable benefits.

There have been incredible synergies derived from pursuing business success while staying true to my personal goals and values. I hope someday to be able to coach someone in this process just as Dan has mentored me.”

“I thought your keynote address during our meeting in Destin was excellent. You clearly explained what it takes to achieve excellence on a consistent basis and the challenge to our organization to rise up was engaging and inspiring.

The discussion concerning “A players” and their benefit to our department especially resonated with our managers and employees. Your thoughts and explanations greatly enhanced our ability as managers to define the goal for our team; that being one of ensuring success instead of preventing failure.

Thank you for your passion and for the real life examples that underscored the effectiveness of implementing great strategies. It was very well received and a great motivation for all of us.

Thanks for all your help Dan!!! We look forward to working together again soon!!”

“I thought it was excellent. He’s a great speaker and kept my attention. I also agreed with his points (which always helps!). I liked his take on the type of people we should hire… more emphasis on character than competency; people who want to excel and will settle for nothing less.

I also liked his leadership finding that we should create a culture where the truth can be told… I don’t think we’re there yet. And I liked his statement that when becoming more participative, it’s really not a question of will the leader give it up, but rather will the people step up. Good motivational speaker. Good meeting overall. Thanks for asking.”

“I thought he was very good. It would have been great, if he had a bit more time to talk. I even went out and bought the book he recommended called Good to Great.

I really think that he is right that a lot of people as well as companies settle for good and then never achieve great. I have to say I see a lot of that at SRP… I also really liked how he talked about the different generations working together.

His statement on creating a culture where the truth can be told and not shooting the messenger is very true.”

“Dan Greer has a definite passion for helping people succeed in both their personal and professional lives. In my 27 years of working in the professional arena, I have never heard anyone speak with more clarity and purpose than Dan.

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Once you’ve heard Dan speak, you will want to hear him again and again. If your desire is to take yourself or your team to the next level, then having Dan Greer be a part of this journey is a must.”

“One of our company’s core values is ’employee development.’ For the past three years Dan has played a significant role in helping us achieve that goal while increasing the leadership capital within our entire company where the business operations include manufacturing, distribution, sales, marketing and administration.

As a Christian business man I have a deep desire not only to provide for our employees physical needs but also offer a means for them to develop as a whole person. With Dan’s background and business acumen he has been able to support both their personal and professional development. Everyone that Dan has worked with has expressed tremendous appreciation to our company for providing him to assist in their growth.

If you are interested in nurturing a culture of personal development and improvement I highly recommend Dan to lead that effort.”

“Dan was a keynote speaker at our Utility Supply Management Alliance educational conference. He spoke on 21st Century Leadership to a group of Electric Utility and Supplier professionals from around the country.

Dan offered practical leading edge concepts regarding organizational structure, leadership styles and applications that are relevant for the workforce of today and the future. Dan’s presentation was dynamic yet specific enough for all levels of leadership to take home and use.”

“Dan spoke at our Leadership Breakfast for the finalists of Birmingham’s Best Places To Work event. Everyone walked away inspired and many wanted him to come to their individual offices and speak to the workforce.

He was superb! Obviously he has done this many times, and was well-read on the subject of leadership for the 21st Century! We will surely have him back!”

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I can think of no better person to rely on when consulting on individual or corporate success strategy. I consider him a true motivator, leader and friend and would not hesitate to recommend him for your needs.”

“Over the years I have come to value Dan’s opinion on many things, but specifically his ability to effectively carry an organization through change and trying times without compromising his, and the group’s integrity, yet coming out a stronger entity.

This speaks to his leadership and ability to build the leadership skills in individuals to build an organizational culture that is strong fundamentally. Where individuals have a great grasp on not just its core mission, but more importantly, on what the organization’s values are so that personal and organizational growth and success are complimentary to each other.

In essence, a culture that can withstand the constant challenges evident in our ever changing business environment.”

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Dan Greer showed our executive conference what it means to lead with integrity and understanding. He did not speak from theory. He knows from personal experience how to be an effective leader. He received the highest marks of any speaker at our annual conference.”

“A Positive experience with Dan Greer at Amerigroup Tennessee, an Anthem Company.

Amerigroup Tennessee, a Medicaid and Medicare managed care insurer with 650 associates, serving 400,000 members, is based in Nashville Tennessee. Amerigroup is a subsidiary of Anthem, one of the largest health insurers in the United States. AGP Tennessee has a local, senior leadership team consisting of twelve leaders, headed by a market President. Amerigroup has had a distinguished history of ten years with the State of Tennessee contract.

Dan Greer was initially sought out to coach a particular member of the leadership team, helping the individual with development of relationship and organizational skills. Dan’s purpose in the engagement was to maximize the leadership potential of this very talented contributor, who is truly an expert in his field. Dan met with this employee and others in leadership to understand where this individual’s leadership opportunities were, but particularly to enhance and improve relationships with his peers.

Because of Dan’s leadership training experience and keen sense of leadership attributes, others on the leadership team became interested in furthering their own personal development. As a result, over the course of two years Dan developed coaching relationships with all members of the leadership team. In addition, Dan led several team-building exercises, including homework reading assignments, general instruction and individual consultations. Dan also became involved with the succession planning process where he consulted with leadership team members in developing their succession plans.

He also did an excellent job speaking at one of our annual leadership development events during an offsite summit. Leadership team members benefited individually in professional development and the organization became more effective. Much less energy was devoted to non-productive interaction, resulting in better and more expedient decision making.

In summary, during a two year period, Dan led the leadership team through multiple dimensions of leadership development, including team building, succession planning and personal professional development of each member.

As leaders, we thank Dan Greer.”