Calendars and Checkbooks
Filed under: Core Values, Financial Stewardship, Life Balance, Personal Development
We all want to accomplish the things that are really important in life and learn the discipline to walk away from everything else. Most of us have not taken the time to write down specific goals in a life plan that involves everything personal, family, faith, friends and our professional lives.
So how do we know if we are just filling our schedules with things to do without any serious evaluation or if those are the things that should even be done at all? We don’t want to get to the end of our lives and look back realizing that a lot of our time was totally wasted on things that don’t really matter.
A great place to start is to evaluate how we are spending our time and our money. Calendars can tell us a lot about our core values and priorities because they reflect the choices we are making. No doubt some of our time is not our own to schedule but how we are spending a large percentage of it reflects what is really a priority and what is not.
Are you making time for the people and relationships that you care about the most or are they getting the leftovers at best? If you really want to know take the time to track how you are spending your time for at least a month. You will be amazed how much of it is scheduled based on what appears to be urgent at the time but in the end is not really important at all.
The next big indicator of what is a priority in our lives is to look at how we are spending our finances. If we are living beyond our means and accumulating unnecessary debt then we have a major character problem that must be addressed.
More stress is brought into marriage by this one area than almost anything else. The only solution is again to write down a budget that includes all of your expenses and then have the discipline to post all your transactions and make necessary adjustments to live within your income.
You may think this sounds like way too much work to me and I am already busy enough. Trust me you are already using calendars and checkbooks anyway but you may not be gaining any of the benefits of leading your life instead of just letting it happen.
Priority Of Personal Development
Filed under: Core Values, Leadership Callling, Personal Development, Servant Leader
I was attending a conference many years ago and heard for the first time this life changing quote, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I made a commitment on that day to apply this principle in my life.
The people you meet part of this development applies to all of life. There is great wisdom in finding people who know more than you do about your area of expertise or interest and asking them for a meeting so that you can learn all that you can from someone who has already been where you want to go. Every year you should have a list of at least ten new individuals that are successful and willing to invest in your life.
Please do not limit this to your professional life because you can find people everywhere who are great spouses or parents or involved in church and community work. Some of the greatest connections I have ever made were in the normal flow of life because I was always looking for someone who could teach me something.
In the area of reading I have found that for every ten books that I read on a particular subject I will find at least one that will permanently change my life for good. These become the books that you read at least once a year just to remind yourself of all the truths that you need to make sure you are applying in your life.
One of the disciplines I have developed over the years is that I will write the power statements or great quotes on the inside flyleaf of every good book so that I can always go back for a quick review. If you will set a goal of at least one new book a month to start you will be amazed by how much your life will change because as you read your capacity to understand and develop new skills will be exponentially multiplied.
I am sure if this quote were made today it would include some reference to the incredible amount of information on the web. Today you can read blogs and watch videos by some of the greatest communicators on life’s most challenging subjects whenever you want and usually without any cost but your time.
All learning that enhances personal development is an investment in your future that will give you an incredible return on your investment.
The Role Of Contentment In Simple Living
Filed under: Core Values, Financial Stewardship, Life Balance, Personal Development, Physical Fitness
We are reminded in scripture that we brought nothing into this world and it is certain that we can take nothing out when we leave therefore having food and clothing we should be content. This does not mean we should all take a vow of poverty and live in a monastery.
We have all been given gifts and talents and we should with passion and excellence use them to the best of our ability to impact the world for good. The point is that regardless of wealth or poverty we should learn to lead a life that is not driven by things that don’t really matter.
In Richard Swenson great book on Margin he list several characteristics of simple living that are helpful:
1. Voluntary—If the simple life is forced, it ceases to be simple. This is a choice based on core values not something that is demanded.
2. Free—One of the key features of simplicity and at the same time, one of its principal advantages is that it is a life of freedom. It is being controlled by that which is life-giving and refusing to be controlled by that which is destructive.
3. Uncluttered—Emotionally we release our worries, we reconcile our relationships, we forgive our enemies and we begin anew each day.
4. Creative—Life is not boring just because it is simple. Simplicity sets the imagination free to work and to enjoy.
5. Authentic—A simple lifestyle must distinguish between the spiritually authentic and spiritually inauthentic. Biblical authenticity includes those things God has told us to focus on, those things that have eternal, God-assigned value: people, love, service, worship, prayer, self-denial, relationships, contentment, freedom, and rest.
6. Disciplined—Restraint is necessary for successful living, and all the more for simple living. Comfort is not a legitimate primary goal—authenticity is.
All Christians have made peace with God through their faith in Jesus Christ but all Christians do not live on a daily basis with the peace of God. This kind of peace only comes as the fruit of a contented life.
The Nostalgia Of The Past
Most of us are over scheduled and have way too much stress in our lives. As a reaction to the pressure of the present we often find ourselves looking back and longing for a time when life was simpler and slower than it is today.
What we selectively seem to forget is that the past had its own set of problems and even though things may have been slower that does not mean they were better. When we live in the past we also are blinded to the blessings of the present and are not able to enjoy what we have that is good in our lives.
In Richard Swenson’s book entitled Margin he deals with this romantic mentality of turning back the clock to a better time. He writes, “The analogy of a clock is not helpful. It is not the question of a clock, but a compass. The issue is not chronology, but direction.”
It is impossible to create more time in any given day. With that reality clearly in mind then we are only left with two options. We must know what is important each and every day and make sure those are the things that get done.
What is not so clear is that this does not mean adding these important things to an already full calendar. The ability to know what to say no to on a moment by moment basis is the only way we will have the emotional, spiritual and physical margin we need to live today without regrets.
Clocks can only tell you what time it is while your personal compass can tell you what to do with your time. Big Difference!!!!!!!
Credibility The Foundation For Leadership
Filed under: Core Values, Leadership Callling, Personal Development, Servant Leader
There are many leadership qualities that must be present in the leader if people are going to trust them to the point of following. It is very important to be committed, competent and inspiring but without credibility especially today people will see you as a fake and be totally turned off.
The bottom line is regardless of how visionary the message if they cannot believe in the messenger then trust is destroyed. People may show up for work but their heart is not in it and although they seem positive in front of superiors they are constantly critical with their peers in private.
If leaders are to maintain credibility they have to walk the talk and personally practice what they preach. When their actions are inconsistent with their words and they do not follow through on their promises then they are no longer seen as authentic.
When team members work on a project for a long time and produce great results only to see the leader take an inappropriate amount of the credit they feel burned. They want to see leaders who give credit to others and assume personal responsibility when they make mistakes.
If the leader is seen as real when things are not going well people will give them the benefit of the doubt every time. When leaders are hypocritical and things are even going well they will get polite support but in reality they have lost the confidence of their team and sadly don’t even know it.
When To Quit
Filed under: Core Values, Leadership Callling, Personnel Development
As Seth Godin points out we have all heard the expression winners never quit and quitters never win. In real life that is simply not true because knowing when to quit something that is clearly not working is the secret to winning because it gets you one step closer to the one thing that you were meant to do with your life.
Many times we take jobs thinking that we have finally found the answer to what do I want to do with my career? Many months later we realize that what we expected was wrong. We should never quit just because the work is challenging and the people with whom we work are not the best.
However when you have done your best and the day to day responsibilities that you have been assigned are not bringing any challenge or lasting value then you need to find something that you can be passionate about doing. Our work should be something we care about to the point that we look forward to going in every day because what we do really matters.
Sometimes we really like what we do but the team of people we are doing it with are merely takers and not givers. They are out for number one and there is an atmosphere of backbiting , constant stress and negative criticism that drives the culture of the organization. No matter how much you like what you do if you cannot enjoy the journey with the people you are doing it with it is simply not worth it.
Becoming a serial quitter for all the wrong reasons can be a fatal character flaw that will negatively impact your entire life. Quitting for the right reason can be the best thing you have ever done because it can lead you to a brighter future.
Promises We Make
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Personal Development
This is the seventh in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives. A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.
The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say. Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.
The second promise was I will always tell you the truth. Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.
The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong. When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things. They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.
The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me. There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness. This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.
The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best. Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us. It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing. The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.
The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you. This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people. If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating.
The seventh promise is I will always love you no matter what. This lets the other person know that our love for them is not based on what they do or how they act but who they are as a person.
It in the truest sense it is unconditional love based on grace given and not performance earned. This gives people the freedom to fail in their relationship with us without the fear of total rejection on our part because of some mistake they have made.
It is impossible to love someone in this way unless you have first received this kind of love yourself. Once you have experience God’s love you have the capacity to pass it own to others. You cannot give to someone else what you have not first received yourself.
Work-Life Balance
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Life Balance, Marriage, Personal Development
If there has ever been a day when the demands of work and home have been greater I am not aware of it. The sheer pace of life today leaves us emotionally and physically worn out and feeling empty at the end of most days.
Technology keeps us connected all the time and people in the workplace culture almost demand that we stay available 24-7. Our families are all running on the same high speed treadmill that produces stress in every area of our lives.
There are several key principles that must be in place if you want to create margin for the people and priorities that you care about the most:
1. Lead Yourself First—it is impossible to successfully help lead other people at work or in the home if you are not able to accomplish what is most important in your own life. You should set specific goals in the areas of health, personal development and faith with the necessary time allotment to make sure they get done.
2. Prioritize Your Family Next—at the end of your life it will not matter how much professional success you have had if you consistently neglected your role as a spouse and parent. There are no guarantees that time alone will produce a great marriage and character driven children but without it there is a high probability that both areas could fail.
3. Choose Right Career—most organizations are looking for people who will perform and improve their bottom line. However there is a growing awareness that if you want to attract and keep the best people you have to give some deference to work-life balance. The key is you have to be outstanding at what you do and you have to be in a culture that will reward that effort by giving you more time off and not more projects to accomplish.
4. Develop Life Plan—it never ceases to amaze me that some of the most effective leaders in the corporate arena do not practice any of the leadership disciplines that made them successful in their home and personal life. The can lead multi-million dollar projects from start to finish at work but not take more than 30 minutes to plan the annual family vacation.
When you develop a total life plan with goals and strategies for everything personal, private and public you just assumed the C.E.O. leadership role for your whole life. You will never have a more important job.
Lessons From Michael Jackson
Filed under: Core Values, Financial Stewardship, Life Balance, Personal Development
We have all been affected by the sudden death of Michael Jackson in different ways. Some of us feel compassion for the children who are left behind to grow up in the huge shadow of their father. Others are feeling regret for such a waste of a very talented person who lost so much of what really matters during his life.
Most of us will never have to deal with all of the things that Michael did that come with being a famous celebrity who earns millions of dollars in income. However we all have to deal with the life issues that he faced:
1. Resolve Past Hurts—if you do not deal with the pain from when people close to you have failed you when you were growing up then you will surely carry those open wounds into adulthood. The tragedy for all of us is when the core issues that we are dealing with as adults are really problems that surfaced many years ago but were never appropriately resolved.
2. Trust Right People—show me who your friends are and I can tell you a lot about your character. The temptation for all of us is to surround ourselves with people who tell us all that we want to hear but they really don’t care enough to tell us the truth. These people make us feel good for the moment but leave us eventually broken and empty when the fun runs out.
3. Develop Core Values—there is no doubt in my mind that many times Michael wanted to do the right thing and really wanted to help people. When you don’t have a solid foundation to build on you will consistently make very bad decisions that seem extremely inconsistent with whom you want to be as a person.
4. Decide How Much Is Enough—driven people are never satisfied because they are trying to satisfy their deepest needs with things that can never bring real peace and fulfillment in life. If you are not content with what you have now there is no reason to believe you will be in the future regardless of how much you get.
Michael Jackson’s legacy will be a hotly debated subject for years to come. Some only see the bad and others refuse to say anything was wrong at all. Will the people closest to you be debating your legacy when you are gone or will they all agree it was a life well spent.
Promises We Make
Filed under: Core Values, Family Ministry, Personal Development
This is the sixth in a series of ten posts on promises we should be willing to make to the people that matter the most in our lives. A promise goes beyond a mere commitment to do something it carries the clear expectation that we are going to pay the price to do what we said we would do.
The first promise was I will sincerely listen to what you have to say. Really listening to someone without a personal agenda communicates to them that they have value in your life and that you sincerely care.
The second promise was I will always tell you the truth. Without this there can be no basis of trust, just ask Elizabeth Edwards how painful that can be.
The third promise is I will apologize when I am wrong. When someone sincerely and genuinely apologizes we know two things. They are willing to humble themselves and they want to restore their relationship with us because we still matter to them.
The forth promise is I will forgive you when you hurt me. There can be no lasting peace in any relationship without the power of forgiveness. This is even more critical when someone has come to us and sincerely apologized they are asking without saying it will you please forgive me.
The fifth promise is I will live with hope and believe the best. Relationships are messy and there are always going to be times when people do or say things that upset us. It is at that precise moment that we have a critical choice to make about how we process what we are hearing. The bottom line is we will either choose to believe the best about the other person or we will assume the worst.
The sixth promise is I will not manipulate change in you. This deals with our core motivation when we interact with other people. If our goal in sharing with this person is to only tell them what they are doing wrong and why they should be the one to change then we are manipulating.
We must first assume personal responsibility for whatever percentage of the problem is our responsibility by admitting it and giving a sincere apology. Then and only then are we ready to talk to the person about what they did in a way that will really try to help them to move forward as well.
It is very easy to see what other people are doing wrong and sometimes almost impossible to see the blind spots in our own lives. When people first see our humility then they will be open to our advice.
Dan Greer
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